GOING NOWHERE FAST, USHER KNOWS WHAT HE IS SINGING ABOUT……

I sat the last few nights thinking……. Thinking of what? Up to time, I have no idea what…… A friend of mine that I have built what I thought a very sturdy friendship just drowned, talking fizzled out to nothing…… meeting up physically seemed to be like forcing hot needles into the nail beds, each and every visit, if there was ever a visit. Made me wonder what was going on, how did it deteriorate to this extent and I did not recognize to atleast make attempts to pull it back to some sense of normalcy that I could have relate to. To be truly honest with myself, I have been hit out of the park with my other relationships that lasted around 8yrs, but, the level of honesty that exuded from such an angel cloaked demon, mesmerized me. My instincts to run from danger seemed to never kick in, “damned that adrenal gland”. I stayed and smiled and made wishes and hopes for such a brilliant and bright future. So what has me entirely boggled is trying to understand the major 180 degree switch. I was told, I am too demanding, and all I do is point out flaws. Which made me question myself all over again…….. An exercise I had no energy in undertaking. With the days passing slowly as an injured land turtle, and the hands on my wrist watch refusing to release any relief from the torture, my thinking changed with the enormous pouring in of information and life strategies coming in from all ends. With time, once I turned painfully away from it, now I run into its arms. I enjoy every second, quiet times are welcomed……….. My mindset is not jaded, my heart is not as hard as diamonds, my walls are not build with TCL, (thank God the strike over)…….. I just realized…… I pity the poor sucker. Don’t walk in front of me, cause I will hurt you, but, I am sorry. I am sorry for trying to make your life easier. But, your comfort is what your constantly settled for, the mediocre attempts of your friends' lifes' is all you knew and you refuse to make yourself become one of the great. Mentally, I should have recognized but, due to my undying need to feed the pitiful souls...I stayed on taking all the terrible treatment you cud throw at me. I realized its NOT me……. Its YOU….. you are a sorry small person. Thank you for making my life hard back then, I am highly skilled knowing the demons behind the angels cloak…. Cause I am one of them now… they are my friends……  Peace out!!!!!