I sat on the leaned chair with the tray of my favorite mozzarella sticks and a huge cup of coke that the movies can provide waiting for the familiar face to start coming up the stairs from his numerous visits to the bathroom right before the movie started.
Even though I was physically with someone that was “ok” company, I was still very, very alone. This bugged me for quite some time.
You see the situation is that I am really in “love” or so they call that wretched feeling of hormones going the wrong way inside your body giving you this fake comfort that is actually is similar to a spider’s web of lies…. Ok I just went off on a tangent there. Wooosahhhh….. Bring it back down……
Ok…. back on track, it hit me like a ton of bricks …….Females, well, I can only speak for myself (last time I checked), go under a spell where they tend to mix emotions in the attempt to “fall in love”. I thought, hey if we spend time together and we are have a good rapport then we have a spark, and then the comfort slips in and I start believing and telling myself that this is just perfect and I am falling for this amazing person that seems to compliment me so well.
Not knowing, that all you were and will ever be to them is a walking skirt that has a pair of pants that you put on from time to time because you have a tom-boyish nature and background. I never denied my guy like nature and behavior but, I blame myself for not recognizing a friend over someone that wanted a future and love and the white picket fence. I mean, chicken wire fence.. yes let’s not forget we are in Trinidad.
I pondered for days about what I was doing wrong and where all these emotions were surfacing from? I looked around every night and realized I was alone and there was no change in my “relationship” status. I was going to end up being the old lady in the corner MANSION with a string of pearls around her neck and eight cats lazing around her front yard. I came to the conclusion that this decision was made from rummaging through the different situations that I have experienced. They may not have been the nicest happy moments but it made a huge paradigm shift.
You are a friend, but a friend…….. with benefits… DA DA DA DUMMMM.
I find you attractive; I can get a boner…. You can imagine me naked therefore, yeah we can upgrade the friendship…… this also assist with thoughts going wild and females, me, thinking waow, we are intimate so then……yeah…. We have something going. WRONG!
So, a little further ahead you start asking about definition, Can we categorize ourselves? Hmmmmmm……and when you think that it was going to be the sweetest conversation that you all were going to have, you end up arguing, and every other time you tolerated this behavior because of the cool friendship you both have had in the past. Two years have passed and there was never a time when you brought up this conversation about upgrading the friendship that did not deteriorate into an all out BBM argument:
PU: I can’t believe we are doing this again, I know it was coming, I was bracing for this!!!
AFM: What are you talking about? I just hope we can come to a decision…. Come one it is not an argument…
AFM: PING!
AFM: PING!
AFM: Can we talk please?
PU: Have a great night AFM.
Or an over the phone argument, yes, technology, what a friend??????? *sarcastic emoticon*
After all, this have brought me to believe, that men don’t wanna hurt the female in questions feelings so they are attracted but at an arms length, they would help, but at arms length, they will be friendly, but at arms length, they will make you feel like a woman but probably once a week.
So therefore, females, yea you, don’t fool yourself and feel comfortable with the guy that you hang around with at every free moment you get and start believing that you are the all and all, mistaking your emotions “love” for something which is superficial and just very innocent.
It took me some years and tears to realize this, and trust me I aint going to make that mistake again…. After reading these pieces of live saving literature, thank you live Science….lol…
Next time around, men, I think it will be a lot more fun if you just say what you want from up front. Hey chick I dig you, you wanna rumble?? Like a complete jerk off from the start...
That will be sufficient for us to know where you are headed....
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