FIRE BUN!!!

The email came in, on a Monday morning, as I read this my stomach churned and tunnel vision came into play. My mind could have only focused on a sink. I needed to throw up. My shoulders dropped, my heart fell to the soles of my feet, my hands got sweaty, and breathing became restricted. My view on a beautiful future went grey.

Yup, that feeling of hurt, hate and pain all rolled into one, just stabbed its way into my very existence. The shock that I felt was so tangible, I got instantly sick. Crix and mint tea were the staples of the days ahead. (new diet plan??....hmmmm)

The e-mail questioned a “friendship” I foolishly thought I had with an individual (fire bun..)

I won’t get into the nitty gritty of it all, but, lets safely say, the level of lies that came out of the entire situation made me into a very jaded person (Like if I was not already... nice going individual whom I despise and pitty) and question all I held near to me.

But, I would admit, I wanted something I could have been proud to shout out to the world and held on to hope that just was not there. I refused to see anything other than the good things that were done, which I realised were done just to cover up someone else that existed in the individuals (you deserve the guillotine) world in parallel with me. Until, this same person, whom I never knew nor heard about, on the “outside” of our “friendship” corrected me.

Now ..... this individual (hell for you!) ensured that both of us (individual and myself) stayed in the grey area, there was no direct yes or no, there was no introductions, but, this individual studied my every move and knew my every reaction. Though their actions were different compared to what they said. Making me put a huge question mark on our entire interaction every time.

I must admit through my foolish, blinded hope, I held on to every word and wished that this individual (fire bun!) would have changed if I just kept trying. Or changed myself and my ways for the better (since obviously it was not him but it was all me, as he made me believe)..... Better my ass.... I am perfectly fine.. compared to this individuals sorry tail....

This happened over a period of time, I started questioning myself and wondered........

“Is there something wrong with me?”

“Do I have some deep seeded issues that this individual (castrate the f**ker) noticed and said nothing?”

And the question that I think some females gets to at some point in their lives.....
“Why, am I not good enough?”

Mornings would pass, and getting up off the bed would get easier as time passed, the statement ‘time is a great healer’ is totally true. Kudos to the person that tagged that line....

And with some major prayers, I came to realize it was not me and my flaws, it was the individual in question.

The individual (fire bun..) had a low self – esteem and I pitied the person. Felt sorry, like a lost little puppy and tried to help and hold their hand through all their issues. Believing everything and holding their word close to my heart.
Now, my emptied soul stares at the castles in the sky this individual (fire bun) built.

But, thank you very much individual (hell fire), you made me into a better person........
God help you with your damned future.......

By the by.... this song helped pull me through... Jay Z and Kanye West - Why I love you


This specific line got to me..."so the n***a that killed him had keys to his shit" ... Why I love you Lyrics....


MS forever! BOOM!!!!!