As I sit back in my leather seat, arm rest comforting my elbows as I listen to the sounds of Gravity by Embrace, my mind races, going through the days that passed by, birthing so much change and learning of the soul and mind.
I smiled, cause I would not want anything to change. It made me into a better, stronger person today. The amount I have grown from the beginning of 2011 cannot be measured by any known unit. The amount of blessing I have had that was disguised in sheeps skin tears at my mind. In one breath I wished I knew better, but in the other breath, I am happy it happened.
Its one hurdle I dont ever have to try to leap over again.
My trust still battered, my heart still healing, my soul still wounded and with all the pain, I managed to get up, dust off the hate that grew within my very being and threw all of it into the winds of the ticking hands of time.
I created a new circle of family, extended family, that makes me smile every time I think of them during my alone time when I am looking at the sunset or just breathing in the cool mountain air. They made everything easy for me and they became my earth angels that would ensure if I came in frowning, I left happy and contented. (you guys know who you all are, and I love you)
I have made painful decisions that brought me to the end of my rope, broke me down completely and built me back up. Severed "friends" that I thought I kept close to my heart. Trimming the true troopers from the failed fighters. The people that stood by me no matter what, and saw hurting me parallel to death not only to a friendship but to their very foundation.
All this learning, looking back now, I welcome with open arms and a smile on my face, because I can help make a difference for someone else. Some one else that may not be able to get up in time to save themselves from the deep pits of self loathing.
Lastly, I made another year, still batting with the living against all odds and against everything doctors whispered beneath their breath. I made it doing it my way. The biggest blessing I ever can get. I may not have done it by the books, but I did it.
The count down to 2012 a new year for a fresh start or the ending of everything as we know it to be? Or will the ending be the complete cycle of all the hurt and the ringing in of the new year will be the beginning of great things?
I don't know what it holds, but, I am jumping in with both feet.
For the good, the bad and indifferent. I want to embrace every situation that will mould my soul into greatness.
2012.....its the end of the world and I feel fine..........
Morgan Saxon.....
(toast to the scumb bags, every one of them I know....)
4 comments:
i particularly like Trimming True Troopers From Failed Fighters, very nice coin of words.
on another note "buh wa d bumba who is these effing earth angels you speak of,they for sale?"
Growth takes so many forms. I don't think I ever told you how proud I am of you, I am. You are a true warrior, emotionally, mentally, physically, spiritually and especially when it comes to your health. The ideal person....growing in unison....I have learnt so much from you....thank you. May 2012 be your year for many positive adventures.
Love you. Obe.
Happy to know that you've learned so much about yourself in this one year. Really do hope that it is the end of a cycle of hurt and a new one of great things.
Cheers to a new year!
So...earth angels (plural you say?. Where is one able to get and submit an application for one at least?
Love you more than this government cheese sandwich I'm having...
Hey Guys......lol....the earth angels I am sorry but I will have to be selfish with them..... they are mine....:) Love you guys too much also. Lets enjoy 2012.....to the fullest.....
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