The 2nd Life.....

When there are no distractions… and the mind stops rushing aimlessly….. for that moment the heart finds a voice….

Every emotional strain that you successfully navigated away from comes back and hits you from the blind side…

Minutes would pass…. 

Hours would pass…. 

Days would pass… 

Months would pass…. 

Years would pass… 

but there would always be that white light that burst into the darkness of your mind and make you remember…

How do you deal with it? How do you try to grab back memories that were never even there cause of loyalty… cause of principles and values and pride….

The arguments, the head butting, the hate, the violence, the fake smiles and hug when you see them in public to save face… don’t let anyone know what was truly happening… all due to pride…

Was it worth it? Was it worth not having one happy memory? Or the very few that you try to recall but it ends up in hurtful words being thrown at one another…

Is it ok to make up happy ones that will allow you to sleep at night?

Does self-preservation reaches the point where faking and lying to oneself to create a new reality just for survival and sanity of the mind, body and soul… is that how it works?

How do you allow yourself to understand death when you did not even capture the essence of life?

Would you better understand it through the life of your unborn child? Whose heart you hear on the stereos of a dark, cold room, whilst trying to figure out whether it’s a boy or a girl…

Does the hurt go away when you see a smile on the faces of another from doing some self-less gesture?

Even when you are late for work, but yet, allow an old man to slowly cross the road and getting out of the car just to ensure they get to the other side??? All the while you are getting cuss from the man in the back….. (why thank you taxi driver… you rock…)

Would the dreams stop if you kneel and pray from sun rise till sun set?

Does it make sense to forget or try to forget, when they are still there when the wind blows cold… or during the heat of the blazing Caribbean sun…. (too general, this does not remind me of the one I cannot find, no matter how much I try)

The memory remains when you see a lady in heels trip and gets up thinking no one saw….

The memory remains when an insect crawls up an old lady’s skirt and she is screaming whilst making a futile effort is hitting her clothes to get it out….

The memory remains when you hear on the radio Barrington Levy and Beenie Man singing about the nine millimeter at your jaw….

The memory remains in seeing a snake and hearing in your head “father there is a fer-de-lance here….”

The memory remains when you see an un-ironed pin striped red shirt and jeans….

The memory remains you see a wicked grin and you know in your head, “yeah this is gonna hurt”……

The memory remains when you feel the biggest and warmest bear hug and the stubble grating against your temple with the strains of cigarette lingering in your newly washed hair…..

The memory remains when you walk in a room and say without thinking “hazaa hazaa”……

The memory remains, as disgusting as it is….”pull this finger” while you are cornered in a room….

I can remember now….I just needed to be silent…and actually smile… that’s when you showed up….

I love you….

9^th Singh…